The Writing Process: How to Share a Painful Story Without Breaking

lovesdreflection
Oct 16
3 min read

Writing a story born from trauma is not just an act of creativity, it’s an act of survival. When the wounds are still tender, putting them into words can feel like reopening them all over again. Many survivors ask themselves, “How do I tell the truth without falling apart?”

When I wrote Loves Dark Reflection, I didn’t just write a book, I walked through emotional fire. But I also discovered something unexpected: telling your story doesn’t have to destroy you, it can rebuild you, piece by piece.

Here’s what I learned about writing painful truth while protecting your heart in the process.

1. Write First for Yourself — Not for the World

Before anything becomes a book, a blog, or a speech… it begins as a private confession.

When you write solely for your own eyes, you remove the pressure to be polished, brave, or even coherent. You are simply telling the truth, raw, messy, and unfiltered. That is where healing begins.

Don’t start with “How will readers receive this? "Start with: “What do I need to say to finally breathe?”

2. Let the Truth Be Ugly — You Can Shape It Later

Many writers edit while they write, trying to make every line perfect. But emotional storytelling is not meant to be tidy. Pain doesn’t arrive in clean sentences.

Let it be ugly. Let it shake. Let it spill. The first draft is not about eloquence, it’s about extraction. You’re pulling the poison out. Refinement comes later.

3. Step Away When It Gets Too Heavy

It took me two years to write my book. People assume writing is about discipline and staying in the chair until the work is done. But when you’re writing trauma, discipline looks different. Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is stop.

If your body tenses, if your breathing shifts, if you feel dizzy or emotionally flooded, pause. Trauma lives in the body, not just the memory. Writing can trigger it. Walking away is not failure, it’s self-preservation.

Create a ritual: drink water, go outside, stretch, pray, or breathe deeply before diving back in.

4. Choose What to Share — and What to Keep Sacred

Telling your story doesn’t mean you owe the world every painful detail. You can keep pieces for yourself and still speak powerfully.

There is strength in saying:

“This part I will not publish.”
“This moment belongs only to me.”

Boundaries in storytelling are not censorship, they are self-respect.

5. Anchor Yourself in Purpose, Not Pain

When the writing begins to feel overwhelming, return to your why.

Write because someone else feels alone right now.
Write because silence once protected your abuser.
Write because your voice was taken, and you are taking it back.

Pain may be the origin of your story, but purpose is what carries you through it.

6. Accept That Healing and Writing Can Coexist

Many believe they must be “fully healed” before writing their story. But healing is not a destination, it is a lifelong process.

You don’t have to be finished healing to begin writing. Sometimes, writing is the bridge that carries you from survivor to storyteller.

Reflection

Sharing a painful story isn’t about reliving your trauma, it is about reclaiming it. When you write, you are no longer just the person it happened to, you become the narrator, the author, the one with the pen in hand.

And when you hold the pen, you hold the power.