You Didn’t Imagine the Harm. Your Feelings Were Information

If you’ve ever questioned your own reality after experiencing abuse, you’re not alone. One of the most lasting effects of domestic violence is not just what happened, but the doubt that followed.

You may have been told you were too sensitive.

You may have been told you were overreacting.

You may have been told it was all in your head.

Over time, those messages sink in. Slowly, you stop trusting yourself. You begin to second-guess your instincts. You wonder if what you felt was real, or if you simply misunderstood everything.

Here is the truth, stated plainly and without hesitation:

You didn’t imagine the harm. Your feelings were information.

Feelings Are Not Flaws

In safe, healthy environments, emotions serve a purpose. They alert us to connection, danger, exhaustion, or unmet needs. Fear tells us something is wrong. Anxiety tells us something is uncertain. Sadness tells us something has been lost. Discomfort tells us a boundary has been crossed.

In abusive relationships, those signals are often dismissed or punished.

When someone repeatedly invalidates your emotional responses, your internal warning system doesn’t disappear, it gets buried. And when that happens, many survivors mistake emotional confusion for personal weakness.

It isn’t.

Your feelings were responding to reality long before your mind had words for it.

When Reality Was Rewritten

Abuse often involves manipulation that distorts perception. This can include denial, minimization, blame-shifting, or outright rejection of your lived experience. Over time, this erodes trust in your own judgment.

You might find yourself asking:

• “Was it really that bad?”

• “Maybe I misunderstood.”

• “If it were abuse, I would know, right?”

But the body often knows before the mind is ready to accept the truth.

Tension. Dread. Unease. Walking on eggshells. A constant sense of being “off.”

Those weren’t random reactions. They were responses to harm.

Your Emotional Responses Were Rational

Survivors often feel embarrassed for staying, doubting themselves, or not recognizing abuse sooner. That shame is misplaced.

You responded the way many people do when faced with ongoing stress, confusion, and fear. Your nervous system adapted to survive. It tried to keep you safe in the only ways it knew how at the time.

That doesn’t make you naïve. It makes you human.

Relearning Trust in Yourself

Healing involves more than moving on, it involves rebuilding trust with yourself. That takes time. It happens slowly, through small moments of noticing and honoring your internal responses without judgment. When you feel discomfort now, pause instead of dismissing it. When something doesn’t feel right, you don’t need proof to justify it. When your body signals unease, you are allowed to listen.

You are not obligated to explain your instincts to anyone.

A Grounding Reminder

Your feelings were never the problem. They were signals trying to guide you toward safety.

You didn’t imagine the harm. You sensed it.

And learning to trust that inner knowing again is not only possible, it is part of reclaiming your life.

Take that slowly. Gently. One honest moment at a time.

You are doing better than you think.