The Narcissist’s Playbook: Recognizing the Tactics They Use

If you’ve ever been tangled in a relationship with a narcissist, you know it feels like being trapped in a game you never agreed to play. They have a strategy, a script, a playbook—and every move is designed to control, confuse, and consume you.

The first step to freedom is recognizing those plays for what they are: manipulation tactics. Once you see the playbook, you can stop falling for it.

Play #1: Love-Bombing

At the start, the narcissist showers you with attention, affection, and grand gestures. They make you feel like you’ve found your soulmate.

• Constant texting, gifts, or flattery.

• Big promises of a future together (often way too soon).

• Saying, “No one will ever love you like I do.”

Why they do it: To hook you fast. It’s not love—it’s bait.

Play #2: Devaluation

Once you’re attached, the mask slips. Suddenly, the same person who adored you now criticizes, belittles, or withdraws.

• Subtle digs about your looks, intelligence, or abilities.

• Gaslighting: “That never happened. You’re imagining things.”

• Withholding affection or attention to make you chase them.

Why they do it: To break your confidence and keep you off balance.

Play #3: Gaslighting

This is one of their favorite plays: rewriting reality until you doubt your own memory or sanity.

• Denying things they clearly said or did.

• Minimizing your feelings: “You’re too sensitive.”

• Making you question what’s real.

Why they do it: To control your perception and make you rely on them as the “truth.”

Play #4: Projection

They accuse you of what they’re doing.

• They cheat, but accuse you of being unfaithful.

• They lie, but call you dishonest.

• They manipulate, but claim you’re the manipulator.

Why they do it: To shift blame and keep you defensive.

Play #5: The Silent Treatment

Instead of resolving conflict, they shut down communication to punish you.

• Ignoring texts and calls.

• Acting like you don’t exist in your own home.

• Using silence as a weapon until you beg for forgiveness.

Why they do it: To reassert control and make you grovel for connection.

Play #6: Hoovering

Even after you leave, they often circle back—like a vacuum—trying to “suck” you back in.

• Sudden apologies or “I’ve changed.”

• Playing the victim to gain sympathy.

• Sending random messages to re-ignite contact.

Why they do it: Not because they love you, but because they hate losing control.

How to Beat the Playbook

• Name the tactic. Once you recognize it, it loses power.

• Don’t play along. Don’t argue, don’t defend, don’t explain—walk away.

• Go no contact (or as little as possible). Silence is your strongest boundary.

• Rebuild your truth. Journal, seek therapy, and surround yourself with people who reflect reality back to you.

Final Word

The narcissist’s playbook is all about control. But here’s the truth: once you see the game, you can stop playing.

You don’t have to explain yourself. You don’t have to defend yourself. You don’t have to stay.

The moment you recognize the playbook, you take back your power—and that’s a game they can’t win.