move forward with power and dignity After domestic violence

1. Understand That Fear Is a Trauma Response, not a Character Flaw

You are not "overreacting" or "too sensitive." You have been conditioned to walk on eggshells, to anticipate danger, to second-guess your every move, because your survival once depended on it. That kind of hyper-vigilance rewires your brain. Healing isn’t about "just getting over it". It is about gently retraining your nervous system to feel safe and at peace again.

2. Therapy Isn’t Optional, it is Essential

Not just any therapy, but trauma-informed therapy. A professional who understands PTSD, domestic abuse, and how it impacts your sense of self and safety can help you rebuild your internal compass. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and somatic experiencing are powerful tools that help with deep-rooted trauma. Therapy is not for the weak, it is for warriors who want their power back.

3. Create a Safety Net—Physically and Emotionally

• Physical safety: Change your locks, move if you must, get a security system. These are not paranoid moves, they are practical.

• Legal safety: If you don’t already have a restraining order, consider it. Know your rights and take steps to enforce boundaries.

• Emotional safety: Build a circle of trusted people. Even just one person you can call when panic creeps in is a lifeline. Isolation is your enemy connection is your armor.

4. Reclaim Your Routine and Your Autonomy

Start small: Pick what you eat. Choose your clothes. Decide your schedule. These little decisions, when made freely, begin to rebuild trust in yourself. You are reminding your brain that you are in control now.

5. Name the Fear

Write it out. Say it out loud. "I am afraid of being hurt again." "I am afraid I won’t see it coming next time." Naming your fear takes it out of the shadows. Once it is in the light, it loses its grip. And once it is spoken, it can be challenged.

6. Stop Blaming Yourself

Abusers are master manipulators. They make you question your worth, your judgment, your memory. Part of the fear you feel now might be tied to self-doubt: “How did I not see it coming? Will I make the same mistake again?” You won’t—because now you know. You are wiser, stronger, and more discerning. The person you were back then was surviving. The person you are now is transforming.

7. Rituals of Reclamation

Sometimes you need something symbolic. Write a letter to your past self, or to your abuser, and then burn it safely. Clean your space, get rid of objects that carry emotional weight. Light a candle every morning and speak an affirmation out loud: “I am safe. I am free. I am healing.” Do not underestimate the power of ritual in retraining your emotional world.

8. Give Yourself Time

Healing doesn’t follow a neat timeline. There’s no set number of days to feel better. It comes in waves. What matters is that you keep showing up for yourself, even on days when fear knocks loudest.

Finally

Rember, you already survived the worst. What you are facing now, this fear, is the ghost of what was, not what is. And ghosts cannot touch you when you are standing in the truth of your freedom.

You are not broken. You are in repair. And this repair is the sacred work of reclaiming your voice, your peace, and your future.