“Future-Faking”: A Major Red Flag

By R.R. Williams – Author, Advocate, Voice for the Voiceless

The Seduction of Promises

They say all the right things.

“I want to grow old with you.”

“We’ll get married next year.”

“I’ve never felt this way before.”

“Once I get through this rough patch, it’ll be different—I promise.”

These phrases sound romantic. Hopeful. Grounded in the kind of long-term vision we’ve been raised to desire. But when these promises come with no intention of follow-through, no concrete steps, and no alignment between word and action, we’re no longer in the realm of romance.

We’re in the minefield of future-faking.

What Is Future-Faking?

Future-faking is a psychological manipulation tactic where a person makes grand promises about the future, not to honor them, but to secure control in the present.

It’s emotional bait-and-switch.

This tactic is common among narcissists, sociopaths, and other manipulative personalities. They dangle dreams, commitments, and “someday” scenarios to hook their target emotionally, build attachment, and neutralize resistance.

But here’s the catch: the promised future never comes.

Why It Works (Until It Doesn’t)

Future-faking works because most people want to believe. We want to trust. We want to hold on to hope. And for many victims, especially those already trauma-bonded to the abuser, those promises become lifelines.

They keep us invested. Waiting. Rationalizing.

“Maybe next month.”

“They’re just stressed right now.”

“They wouldn’t have said it if they didn’t mean it... right?”

But eventually, the same future is used to stall confrontation, delay decisions, and keep you from walking away. Its emotional quicksand disguised as commitment.

The Emotional Cost

The damage of future-faking isn't just disappointment—it's devastation.

• Time is lost—sometimes years.

• Self-trust is shattered—“How did I fall for this?”

• Attachment deepens—even as the truth becomes clearer.

• Reality becomes blurred—because manipulation and hope blur boundaries.

This is how emotional abuse works: not through one giant betrayal, but through a thousand tiny betrayals wrapped in hope.

How to Spot Future-Faking

You’ll know you’re being future-faked if:

• The promises are grand, but the follow-through is nonexistent.

• Plans never materialize, there’s always an excuse.

• You feel like you’re waiting, for a ring, a move, a change, a commitment that keeps getting pushed out.

• Their words sound loving, but their actions don’t align.

• When you ask for clarity, you are gaslit or shamed for “being impatient.”

  
  

What to Do When You Spot It

If you’re caught in a cycle of future-faking, here’s the hard truth:

Promises don’t matter; patterns do.

You don’t need another speech. You need behavioral consistency. If you’re not getting that, here’s your action plan:

1. Document promises, not to confront, but to see the pattern clearly for yourself.

2. Call it what it is, manipulation.

3. Stop accepting “one day” answers to questions that matter now.

4. Reclaim your timeline, start living based on facts, not fantasy.

5. Seek support, especially from trauma-informed professionals or survivor networks.

Final Words from the Heart

I’ve spoken with countless survivors who say the same thing:

“I didn’t leave because I believed in the life they said we’d have.”

Future-faking is not a compliment. It’s not a communication style. It’s emotional fraud, weaponized to keep you compliant and confused.

You deserve a real future, not a scripted fantasy. You deserve someone who shows up now, not someone who pushes you into the fog of “someday.”

Watch their feet, not their lips. If the dream is always “around the corner,” it may be time to walk away, and build something real for yourself.

Because you, dear reader, are not here to be strung along.

You're here to live, fully, freely, and on your terms.