10 Signs that you may be dating a covert narcissist

1. They Play the Victim Constantly

Covert narcissists often flip situations to make themselves seem mistreated or misunderstood, even when they’re at fault. Their suffering becomes the center of attention.

2. They’re Overly Sensitive to Criticism

Even mild feedback is seen as a personal attack. They might withdraw, sulk, or retaliate passive-aggressively instead of responding maturely.

3. They Use Guilt to Control You

Rather than demanding directly, they manipulate you emotionally—through guilt, silent treatments, or martyr-like behavior—to get their way.

4. They Have a Hidden Sense of Superiority

They might act modest, but underneath, they feel superior to others. This comes out in subtle put-downs, sarcasm, or intellectual one-upmanship.

5. They’re Passive-Aggressive

Instead of confronting issues, they express anger or resentment in indirect ways—like forgetting things, backhanded compliments, or subtle sabotage.

6. They Struggle with Real Intimacy

While they may crave connection, they keep emotional distance. Vulnerability threatens their fragile self-image, so closeness feels risky.

7. They Lack Empathy, But Pretend Otherwise

They may perform empathy when it benefits them, but when you really need support, they’re absent, dismissive, or make it about themselves.

8. They Gaslight You

They twist facts, deny things they said or did, or imply you’re too sensitive. Over time, you may question your memory or feelings.

9. They Crave Praise but Avoid Responsibility

They want admiration and recognition but disappear when there’s blame or hard work involved. Accountability feels like a personal attack.

10. They Keep a Polished Public Image

To outsiders, they may seem charming, humble, or generous. But behind closed doors, their controlling, manipulative behavior surfaces.